Opening the Reflexive Reflection

Indiscriminate thoughts on March 29th, 2011 by escargot

Hoja de helecho húmeda I’ve finally come to senses. This will never change. It stays as an open canvas. A carcass willingly receiving maggots. I can’t ask you to be participative. But I can ask you to communicate. I believe it is already happening. I actually want to believe that any communication with myself will become a dialectic phenomenon.
Yes. It’s happening now.

I finally, and unexpectedly, shared some words with someone about this. It can be what I want it to be and it will be. From now on I’ll accept it and stop all the whining and sobbing. Enough of that. Whatever this is, it is already. I’ll be bleeding it until it becomes a dry casket, cracking with each noise, each letter, each word, each symbol.

The phone has rang more than usual these last days. I suppose it has to do with me being awfully aware of my current availability.
It will end.

Troubled mind, troubled course

Indiscriminate thoughts on March 27th, 2011 by escargot

Caracol negro adulto

Like the dwelling snail on dry leaves, I carve for a response to unanswered questions – although an answer to them or just a hint of reply whatsoever?

I’ve been pondering for days and weeks what to do.
Should I close this and stop pretending I’ll ever be updating it periodically?

I actually like writing in here, ranting in a place maybe no one visits. I’m partly responsible for that, since I write in English. Most of my friends are Spanish speakers, so if I were an effective salesman I’d start writing in Spanish for the bigger part of the audience.

But this place began as a surface where I could express myself equally for friends at home, friends in one of the many places I’ve been at and for everyone that I have related with in this nonexistent plane, called the internets. For that matter I should stick to English, despite the fact I think no native English speaker visits this. After all English is just a tool nowadays.

So, I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, more than I can spare actually. But that’s just my current state of mind, always deviating from my duties, eager to grasp some distraction from my responsibilities, or as the neologism says, procrastinating. But is there really procrastination when you are aware of it, or is just the modern, more active way, of sleeping over the laziness; escapism by feeding the neurons with fast food. But I doubt there’s knowledge not ‘fast’ and ‘easy’ anymore.

Back to the topic, what should I turn this into, if I should actually. Considering my main attraction is film I could turn this into some film-related blog (yeah, it would start being a blog after years of fighting tooth and nail to not be one). But what for, is there anyone around interested in such things? Supposedly aiming for a broader audience is a good thing, but I can’t be bothered with all this modern spamming of blogs and posts and whatever else is being politely spammed. So that’s probably a no go.

Well, I doubt I’ll find “a bingo“, and that’s not the sense of this post either, but I’m kind of leaned to kick the twitching corpse of this site a bit more, see if there’s any response, any echoes to the ramblings of a doubtful mind.

PS: Gosh, I love how this window looks like, I love the fonts, the blackness, the title. I think I’ve made this just for myself.